Fear, hurt, and a host of negative emotions may arise in the conditional love relationship. One says something that the other takes offense to and thereby opening the door to hurt feelings, anger, resentment, revenge, and more. The key here is that we each need to take responsibility for how we feel. We must own our own emotions and emotional responses as the beginning of a healthier relationship. Regardless of what the one said to the other, the reaction or response is in the receiver. Ultimately, we cannot hurt, anger, or exercise emotional authority over another. We only have that exclusive control over our own thinking, attachments to history, and emotional state. We may want another to think differently or more like we do but we cannot make them think anything or feel anything. They alone control that power in themselves. Hence, any reaction we may have is our own. Any response we may choose is our own. As we accept responsibility for our own thoughts, we cannot be hurt by another. We may only choose to feel hurt within ourselves. By owning our own feelings, and accepting that as our own responsibility, blame is no longer something we rely on. We cannot even blame ourselves and must simply accept that we are choosing our thoughts and consequential emotions or feelings.
Once we are aware and accept our own personal power, and as we feel negative emotion, we may desire to feel better and begin the process of changing toward experiencing more joy and well-being. We are always in choice even if in the past we may not have realized this and felt as though others were choosing for us. Those were still choices; albeit, unconscious choices. How powerful it is to gain the awareness required to choose consciously.
How wonderful and empowering it is to get to this place of realizing no other has power over our thoughts or our emotions. We each are solely in charge and in control of ourselves. Others certainly may influence us but that is very different than allowing others to control us. Others may try to control us but they do not have any more power than we give them. We cannot be hurt by another. We can only choose to feel hurt within ourselves. Some may say that they don’t want a romantic relationship because they’ve been hurt too many times and don’t want to be hurt again. They only need to choose not to feel hurt and they have all the power once they become aware and accept responsibility for their own thinking and emotions.
Our emotions are so useful. They are perfect guidance as we pay attention to how we are feeling. As we feel hurt and we do not like how this feels we can change or move toward a feeling we like better by changing our thought perspectives. We are all-powerful in this way and our emotions are always an indicator of our thinking. Emotions don’t happen to us. We create them from our thoughts. This means that if we desire to feel better, we have the creative power to choose better-feeling thoughts. This will cause us to feel better and better as we choose them. To me, this is the ultimate empowerment and we are equally blessed as we choose to recognize this power of creation. This allows us to take charge of our lives and have greater well-being along our varied paths.