“A wise person once said, “To love is a decision." We are each given freedom to make choices, to set the compass of our lives on our chosen destinations, to set our priorities. Life presents infinite numbers of possibilities, and by our choices, we create our lives. We can choose to center our lives hopes on our limitations, saying, “I would write a great novel, but I have neither the time nor typewriter," or “I would climb a high mountain, but I have weak ankles." Although the truth is that each of us has certain limitations, some around us are transcending their limitations: the paraplegic who paints with her toes, the blind man who scales a great mountain peak, the 5′ 3" man who becomes a basketball giant.
An extraordinarily sad person once came to me for counseling. In her fifties, she suffered the pain of low self=esteem and a life that was not working. Until now, she had not recognized that her low self-esteem was related to her acceptance of a belief system based on victimization. She blamed her husband, her children, her unsatisfying work, her uncaring friends, even God for her unhappy life. Everyone, from the mechanic who charges too much to the doctor who doesn’t have time, makes her life miserable. She is looking at the glass as half empty and life through the belief that she is a victim. Her core belief is that life is against her. By her faith in this, she is proving it to be so.
Our human nature is inclined to deny responsibility for the circumstances of our lives. We indulge in self-pity and blame our victimization on others. As long as you remain a victim of life’s difficulties, you are not free to make choices, and you deny your inherent creative power to make change. Learned helplessness becomes your way of life."
Donna F. Fletcher
Reflections of the Heart