“People think a soulmate is your perfect fit,
and that’s what everyone wants.
But a true soulmate is a mirror,
the person who shows you
everything that is holding you back,
the person who brings you
to your own attention
so you can change your life.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert,
Eat, Pray, Love
It came to me today why many people may be in hopes of finding their so-called soul mate. I thought it is because when you're with a soul mate, they do what you expect and even beyond what you expect before the birth in you of what your expectation might be. In other words, you just don't have to think about it, ask for it, hope for it, pray for it, because it is. It is done. No thoughts needed. The other does what you want or surprises you with something more delightful than you may have considered. How nice would that be?
Those of us who haven't come together with that magic mirror of a human being can come close enough to the ideal with a little so-called work. The work? It's more like a practice than work, and for some, it may also be fun. It's communication. And not just any kind of communication, but open, honest, loving, and non-judgmental mutual communication by a willingness, even an eager willingness, to express any and all of your thoughts and feelings without fear and accept and appreciate the other's thoughts and feelings without judgment.
This requires us to see many of our thoughts and feelings as being neutral rather than positively or negatively charged, which allows us to see beyond our facades and also allows beliefs to be exposed without guilt that may often reside there. Fear and guilt may be free to roam elsewhere because of the lack of condemnation and judgment by the other as we lay ourselves bare in their presence.
I'll be 72 in a few days and one thing has become so crystal clear to me in all my relationships in all of my life and viewing those of other people is that communication, as I've described, will help us to be purposeful soul mates in lieu of being soul mates magically stumbling into each other.
Without that communication factor, the relationship will always be less than it could be and often get stuck in historical perspectives of how relationships are supposed to be.