Loving The So-Called Unlovable

Spread Some Joy Today > Allowing > Loving The So-Called Unlovable

“If I love you, what business is it of yours?"

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A long time ago, a friend of mine taught me the meaning of loving someone who appears to not care, or seems to reject it, or acts in an intimidating way. He just loved them. He told them so. He wouldn't accept anything else for himself. And, even one of the most tenacious of seemingly negative people, was overcome by that love. Though he maintained a certain facade of an impenetrable wall, I could see through the new gaping cracks myself. It was one of the most powerful things I've ever seen demonstrated. He is that way too. He simply loves people, appreciates them, is interested in them and he expresses that with his entire being.

What I think is the most effective and useful is simply allowing others to be what they choose for themselves without my needing to control any of it. Whenever I try to control anything in another person, I find no success and no satisfaction either. It is a waste of time and energy. Yet to allow is not so much a letting go of our own beliefs, desires, preferences. It is really taking ownership of them. These are my beliefs and preferences, and you have yours, and I can appreciate the ying and that yang, this way and that. There is no one truth, they are all truth.

It might be good to check our not-loving list from time to time and do some purposeful allowing. Like many other things, practice is helpful. The more we love the more capacity we have to love. The more we love the so-called unlovable, the more capacity we have to love the so-called lovable. And, besides, what is love really when it has any of our expectations attached to it? It isn't love then, is it? The only love that really matters is that love that is freely and openly given without any conditions at all. It truly is none of their business. It is all my business.

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