“You cannot be
defensive and appreciative
at the same time."
— Abraham, Esther Hicks
I really hope that you are not like me because I have spent a lifetime being defensive. As I reflect on that thought, I can see how even my self-talk has been all about justifying any decision I made, things I’ve done, desires I’ve had, and more. I would have these long dragged-out talks in my head as if I were telling the other person all the really good reasons and wisdom in my decisions trying to overcome their disdain for something that happened. Moreover, I have done that in my head even when I am simply imagining their disdain and consequently, my need to explain. And, of course, it should be obvious that the reason for all of this is so that they will like me, appreciate, and respect me.
It didn’t matter whether this was a current event or something from the past where I felt like I made a poor decision. It should also be obvious who is in charge of this conversation–my ego, Mr. I got to be in charge, I have to win, I have to be on top, people have to like me, I should have respect, who do they think they are? Drama, drama, drama.
The good news for me as I am laughing while writing this is that I don’t allow my ego to have that kind of control anymore. Does that mean that he doesn’t raise his I’m in charge! head from time to time? Not at all. I can’t get rid of my ego, but I can realize that I am not my ego, and that the ego is valuable in certain situations, and that I am far more powerful and in control, as I desire to take that control. We are all-powerful in that way.
I know how this change of power came to be. It came from testing, then practicing appreciation throughout my day. It’s practical, and delightful.