This gem of wisdom was gleaned from this quote: “We cannot focus upon the weaknesses of one another and evoke strengths. You cannot focus upon the things that you think they are doing wrong, and evoke things that will make you feel better. You’ve got to beat the drum that makes you feel good when you beat it. And when you do, you’ll be a strong signal of influence that will help them to reconnect with who they are.”
It has been said often by many that there are only two motivations on earth: pleasure and pain. In other words, we do things because we know it will bring us pleasure in varying degrees, and we avoid things that give us varying degrees of pain. Run toward something or someone, or run away from it or them.
So how do we focus on pain and receive pleasure? It can be done, and even become habitual, but that is sort of insane. That’s not the way it really works. And so, as we focus on a friend’s pain, or a co-worker, or something in the community, or on a national or international plane, it doesn’t make us stronger, and we cannot really help that or those that we are wanting to help. All we do is join them where they are and feel what they are feeling.
It’s like someone being in a pit and we want to help them out and so we jump down there with them to comfort them, and now we are both in the pit. We help people through our personal strength, not our sympathy. We help people best by being the best example of well-being. We help best by leading, not following. That is also the loving way and the compassionate way.
Just as we train a dog well by a series of rewards, and not beating them every time they do something wrong, that same strategy is the better strategy for humans. When we beat people up verbally, or mentally, or by our actions toward them for doing something that we see as wrong, we are jumping into the pit with them. We are experiencing their pain, and our own. It doesn’t matter who is the one inflicting pain or receiving it, because it is all a circle of pain.
At the same time, we cannot focus on crime and be happy, or focus on how wrong we think this candidate is without joining that candidate in the pit. The more we talk about how wrong they are, the less right we are. How can you get out of the pit when you’re focused on the pit?
The better way is to turn and focus on something that causes us to feel better, to feel good, to find praise, to find joy, to find peace in. As we focus there, our strength is renewed. Everyone can see it. That’s how Jesus said, “Come, follow me!” and they did. They didn’t even know who He was, but you can see it when people are in alignment. There is a presence about them, a peace about them, and unshakable confidence about them, a knowing about them, that is instantly transferred to us.
As our children are messing up, we don’t help them by shining a light on that. As our employee is not doing as we want, we don’t help them by focusing on what they are doing wrong. As our spouse is sharing pain, we don’t help them by jumping into that pit with them. We help by being the best example of our own well-being, including calm, love, compassion, peace, confidence, knowing, understanding, and appreciation.
In perhaps better words, we serve others by being in alignment ourselves, by allowing them their own feelings without us insisting that they feel different, or how we think they should feel. We put our focus on what is good, what we can appreciate in the other, regardless of the relationship. As we do that, this is unconditional love, because we are letting go of how we think they should be but they’re not, and we are focusing on who they really are beneath the surface. We exude unconditional love from our Inner Source of strength, and that Source is always available for us to line up with.
In Every Situation, Love Not Only Rules, But Leads.
Spread Some Joy Today–by letting go of the pain of others, along with, and especially that pain within ourselves. Joy is on the other side of pain. It takes strength to let go, yes. And, that is where the rewards are.