I think it is pretty much impossible to not take it personally if we are experiencing something. Of course, that doesn’t mean we need to stay in that place for very long. Becoming upset is a normal, natural, and generally automatic occurrence, but staying upset is purely a choice.
I know this from experience; however, it is my desire to stop the automatic response as well as choose my thoughts and thereby my feelings in every interaction. It’s not that the auto-response is bad, it is simply that I prefer to not have that happening in my life. Yet, it does, and I am playing with it, having some fun with it, toward being as perfect an allower and lover that I can be.
The whole essence comes down to our giving power to the other person by valuing what they say and how they say it as more important than we think about ourselves. All of my life, my nemesis has been criticism. Someone is critical, disappointed, angry, or disagrees with me, and I feel embarrassed, crappy, dejected, unloved, cast off. You could say, and rightly so, that I have been working on letting that go all my life too. My ears turn red, my face turns red, and my emotions are not only inside, but obvious on the outside.
We all want to be loved, approved of, supported, appreciated, and valued. When things turn against us, or at least our perception of them being against us, we want to run away and hide like a little dog hiding under a bed. We don’t want that. We want love.
But, I am part of the problem too. It is my need to be right, to have the other value my opinion or contribution, to be leading, to be in the limelight maybe. When I am this way, it is so much easier for others to find fault, criticize, and generally shun me. You could say that I’m deserving in this scenario. It’s just that in the earlier days of my life, my ego was so much more in charge because I just didn’t know any better.
Now I know better. I realize when my ego is in the forefront, and now knowing that I am in charge and not my auto-response ego, I have far more control generally. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel the criticism, it’s just that it is nowhere near as strong as in years past. Now, I would like to have total control, and I’m playing and having fun with that.
Yesterday, a high level employee of one of our clients was very short with me on the phone. There was not the slightest need for this, but normally I would take that personally. After all, it is a person to person conversation. Business is just people gathered together in an enterprise. Without the people, there could be no business.
But, you know, her response had nothing whatsoever to do with me. It had to do with her. It was her feelings dictating how she talked, not mine. I was cordial and inquisitive, asking for clarification on an email she sent me. Perhaps she was upset for any number of personal reasons, but there is no need for me to take on her burden. I can simply bless her mentally, wish her more well being and peace, and stay in my joy.
I did and I am. In fact, I experienced a grand amount of joy yesterday after the call. Certainly not because of the call, but it demonstrated to me that I wasn’t going to be pulled away from my joy. I was giddy with it yesterday. Still feeling it this morning.
I think it is a good thing to make sure to pay attention to whether we are creating problems for ourselves with our own desire to be right, and letting our ego lead instead of just being a sideline adviser. It is then good to realize that if someone is upset, disappointed, critical, angry with us, that it isn’t us, it is them. Who knows what is going on in their life that may be causing them pain and frustration? There’s a lot going on in all our lives, and so there is no need for us to accept their feelings as our own–especially when we haven’t got a clue what is happening in their life.
It is best to stop the resistance by just dropping the rope, laying it down calmly, and blessing the person previously described as our opponent. A struggle or a fight requires more than one participant. If we want peace, we can choose it by letting go. If we want love, we can have it by giving it away.
Progress In The Emotional Realm! Playing With It Is Far More Effective Than Working On It.
Spread Some Joy Today–by releasing your need to be right, to be respected, to be valued, to be loved. Begin with allowing others to be as they choose without any need for us to agree. Love, peace, and joy is always an inside job and it begins within us first.