I’ve been on this journey to learn about myself, about others, and the world, how it all works, and much more, for quite a number of years. I didn’t realize how long a journey it has been until I found a file on my computer called, Lessons Learned. When I opened it, there were two sets of bullet points, one dated 2-83 and the other, 6-83. I’ll list one from each date group just for the heck of it:
“Give love without expecting any return. When you expect a return, you’re not giving, but taking.”
“The warm fuzzy bag has an unending supply.”
It’s obvious to me who I was reading back then. Much of the thoughts listed on this page were teachings of Wayne Dyer. He has been a huge influence in my thinking, and there is a very long list of others who have influenced me as well.
Yesterday, I also found a letter to my wife on my computer. It was dated September 18th, 2011. She died in August of 2013. The letter was 3 pages, a little over 1,800 words and was a desperate attempt to get her attention and have her change her thinking toward living. In it, I pulled out everything that I had learned to that point, gave quite a number of examples of what she was doing that demonstrated her thinking, and also added that I loved her unconditionally, and that whatever she is choosing was okay, and that no one can choose our thoughts for us. I also told her what I wanted, and that the best influence I could ever be is to be that which I wanted. What I said I wanted was joy, hope, peace and love.
The last few sentences of that letter brings it all around: “I would love to have a partner, a lover, a friend. As long as you continue thinking how you are, there is no hope of this. That is okay. I love you no matter how you choose to be. If I could only impart one thing in all of this, it would be that you are making choices and that those choices are just fine. And this: I choose joy, hope, peace and love regardless.”
Have you ever seen a loved one going down a dark road and not being able to change their mind about it? This was not my first experience with this kind of situation, but this time it was with someone who I was very close to, making it more desirable to succeed in helping change their thinking. And though I alluded to it in the letter, that I cannot change anyone else, but the best I could do was to be a positive influence, and that people can only change for themselves, she chose to stay on the path she was choosing every day. And, so did I.
This is the only reason I share some of this intimacy. It is that no matter why, or no matter how hard we might try, that we have no real power over the thinking of another human being. This does not mean that we cannot be an influence–we certainly can be an influence, and that the best and the only way to be an influence is to be our best self for ourselves, and at the same time, unconditionally loving the other so that we allow them to make the choices they make without any insistence that they choose otherwise. This is all we can do regardless of the relationship with another human being.
It is that love that is demonstrated by allowing them to choose for themselves that means the most. That doesn’t stop us from saying what we want, or what we would hope for. That is a good thing. But, in the end, the best influence we can be is to follow our own choices, our own heart, while expressing our love for the other.
Nothing External Has Any Real Power. It Is ALL Inside Of Us. That Power Is Expressed Through Thought.
Spread Some Joy Today–by loving the joy that is within you as you share it with any and all who may enjoy the gift.