I awoke this morning with my thoughts in overdrive. I slept fitfully, and upon awakening, I was amazed at all the thoughts rushing through my head, and they were all pretty interesting and maybe a little strange. The first one that I recall was about punishment.
I wondered, when has punishment ever satisfied? I could not think of one. That especially, as well as provocatively, applies to me. I realized that I was beating myself up, or punishing myself for eating pizza last night. I had a craving, and many times I will encourage it to pass, but last night, I was in no mood for that. I went for it. Yep. Papa Murphy’s Murphy’s Combo (they hate selling medium size and are so encouraging to get at least the large for only $1 more), baked in my own oven, cut with my own pizza cutter, enjoyed while watching a movie. Yummmmmmm.
I don’t know the exact number, but I might have consumed with glee around 3,000 calories, and probably over 50 grams of fat with all that cheese. Yum. Throwing caution out the window for one night. Such bold disregard for my new body program. So, this morning it was typical to berate myself about my past choices.
Isn’t it all about past choices? Of course, it is. All of our berating ourselves or anyone else for that matter is in the past. No, no–that’s not quite right–it’s also the future, isn’t it? Well, no matter, it does no good whatsoever.
That was my next thought before I even left the bathroom. First was beating myself up for my weak-suck, what-the-heck-was-I-thinking (don’t you just love those phrases with the dashes?) decision, then the epiphany came next: When did this ever help? In fact, when did punishment ever help? They say it all began with the apple (was it an apple?) and the ‘original sin’ and the forevermore punishment, but I say it never has worked, even then. Maybe even especially then. No matter. I know it has never worked for me. That’s enough to deal with.
Loving is what works. And, if there is anything I learned from reading the Bible, it is that. Loving is what works. Loving is what we crave. Mother Teresa said so succinctly, “if you judge people, you have no time to love them." That would include me. As I am judging myself, I have no time left for loving myself.
Wisdom says, what happens on the outside, comes from the inside. This is very easy to observe when we pay the least bit of attention.
Whatever Is Done, Is Done. I Cannot Change It With Punishment. However, I Can Transform It With Love.
Spread Some Joy Today–by giving yourself a break. Not once. But always. In all ways. You are craving love and joy just like every other person on the planet. So give it first to yourself, then freely to others.