“Too many people overvalue what they are not
and undervalue what they are.”
— Malcolm S Forbes
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on.”
— Maxwell Maltz
“We probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of us
if we could know how seldom they do.”
— Olin Miller
Seeking approval is a very common activity. I’ve most likely spent several hundred hours on it throughout my life. It’s part of the programming many of us were given at a young age and unless there is something that happens to change that, it becomes a lifetime endeavor. It is only in recent years that I have really changed that and now give myself approval, and though I like getting approval, I no longer require it from others as I once did.
I’ll tell you a very short story. I was a sales manager at a car dealership and in my early 30’s, having been a sales manager since I was 25. The owner of the store was there almost every day, but he let the general manager run things. I had a talk with the owner one night and since he was a quiet man, I asked him what he thought of me working for him. You know, what kind of job I was doing–seeking approval, of course. I will never, ever forget what he said after I asked that question. He said, “you know, the subject of Terry Minion is not something that comes up very often.” You might as well of shoved an ice pick in my heart, but I made a clear note to myself that I needed to not worry about what others think so much–even the owner.
Building confidence and feeling good in your own skin is so darn important. Matter of fact, I would rate that as so high on the list, that it is of primary importance. Veronica A Shoffstall said it nicely: “Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” I concur. It is excellent advice.
So many of us think that praising ourselves and building ourselves up is like being boastful and a braggart. It is absolutely not that at all. A long time ago I studied Transactional Analysis and in that they say that the best place to be is, “I’m okay, you’re okay.” Being a braggart is saying, “I’m okay, you’re not okay.” That is not a good place to be and it wouldn’t help us in the least.
I really like what Oscar Wilde said: “To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” The Bible also says in several passages to “love your neighbor as yourself.” Clearly, the more you love yourself, the more love you have for others. To love others and not yourself is a sham.
So, I hope this will give you permission to, as Oscar Wilde said, to begin a life-long romance and love yourself. One of the most helpful books to aid you in moving in this direction is “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz, M.D. I highly recommend the original version, though some references are dated. It is a powerful book.
I Love Myself More Everyday! I Am My Best Fan!
Spread Some Joy Today–Think about loving yourself and feeling really good about yourself. It should bring a big smile to your face. You are awesome! A fantastic creation. Now, when you encounter others today, keep that thought–and add one more: you love them as much as yourself. Think how powerful that is!