A few days ago, I talked about how lovers, and other kinds of relationships can grow apart, not keep up to speed with one another, and statistically at least, break apart. You’re in love with someone, or you’re in love with your job, or what you do, and then something happens, then something more and more, until, you’re not feeling so good and wondering what the heck happened.
How did it go from bliss to torture? Or how did it go from everything seemingly going well, to not talking much with one another, dealing with facial expressions and sighs that you don’t really want to see or hear, anger, disappointment in the voice, having them seem to avoid spending any real time together?
I have experienced all of that in relationships and in my career, and I never could figure it out. What did I do wrong? Why are they being such and such? Why can’t it be like it was? Why do things have to change?
I’ve finally found the answer to all of those questions and a thousand more. I can break it down to one word: focus. I’ll explain.
When a relationship is going really well, both people are focused on what they like about each other. When people are head over heels in love, they are blinded because all they see is what they like and they focus on that and so they find more that they like and the Law of Attraction brings even more and more and there can be nothing wrong. If I didn’t depend on my eyes as Mark Twain so perfectly says, my imagination could keep it going forever more. For me. Maybe not for them, but for me, yes.
We see something, hear something and it is something we don’t like. Maybe we don’t hate it, but it isn’t pleasant as everything else has been. So, right here is where the tipping point is. I focused on that thing that I didn’t like. I didn’t mean to, but there it was in my face. . . what was I to do? It is real and there it is. So, I didn’t think I was looking for something else like that, but there it is–another thing that I didn’t know about and don’t really care for. Now there’s two. OMG! How many more are there? Oh, and there’s another. But, I love her (him, this job, this situation). But why do they have to _____? I wish they would not do that. I wish they would stop talking like that. I don’t want to hear it. . .
It’s focus. We moved our focus from what we liked, loved, adored, appreciated, to some perceived flaw based on our judgmental mind. Because we are judgmental, we focus on things like that. Now I’m losing the image of what I loved and seeing the image of what I do not love. I’m focusing on what I do not want, and losing focus on what I do want. My imagination is out of focus and I am now feeling poor about all this. I don’t like it. I want it back the way it was. But, we cannot stop movement, and more important, we cannot focus on what is; that is, what we do not want and expect to get what we do want. It cannot be done.
The only solution is to pivot and change our focus to what we do want and let go of, ignore, let be, pay no attention to what we do not want. Whatever we focus on, we will get more of. When we focus on what is going wrong, more going wrong will be brought to us. When we will focus on what is going right or well, more of that will be attracted. The hitch is that so often, we pay attention to what is–the reality in our face, or we heard it from a friend, etc. We then give that our attention and that will bring more of the same kind of thing. Soon there is more and more and more.
We have to forget about reality, what is, the way things seem to be if they are not what we really want. We MUST focus on what we do want, and ignore what we do not want. Because reality is in our face, we must learn to use our imagination to help us focus on what we do want, while this that we do not want is trying to get our attention. We must choose. There is no one else who can do it. No one will help us. We are all creators. We create what we will and what we choose to focus on will be our creation.
Want to change the way things are going if they are not to your liking? Change your focus to what you do want, what you do like, what you love, what you appreciate, what you respect, what you are attracted to. Whatever else there is competing for your attention will have to wait. It may have to wait forever. Give it zero attention. Think of your attention, or your focus as food. Don’t feed what you don’t want to grow. Feed only that which we do want. Feed only what you love. Feed only what feels good. Watch amazed how your life transforms before your eyes.
I’ve Had This Power Forever. I Just Didn’t Realize It Until Recently. Now I Know What To Do. Now I Know What To Focus On.
Spread Some Joy Today–by focusing on that which causes you to feel joyous.