Continuing a few more yards on the past two posts, the question was asked, what if I change and my spouse doesn’t? What if I decide that feeling good is very important to me and they don’t agree?
I can talk about this from very personal experience, but before I do that, look at the questions in the previous paragraph. I would still be wanting the other to act the way I want them to so that I can be free or happy. If I change and they don’t, I imagine that I will not feel good, and I can imagine arguments and all sorts of disagreements. If I pay attention to my own alignment so that I benefit myself and it is also intended to benefit them, what if it doesn’t?
Here’s the answer: It isn’t about them. It’s about us or me. Marriage is simply a relationship of two people, and so there will always be something we disagree on. Nothing new about that. But, if I’m not focused on feeling good and being in alignment with my higher self, what real value will I be to the other anyway? Not so much.
About six years ago, I saw no future on the path my wife and I were on. So, I made a decision to change. She was not in agreement with it but didn’t want to hear about it either. Maybe she hoped I would give it up, but I was not interested in that. I’ve lived that for too long. I had to change me and risk the rest if that is the case. I cannot change her, and she cannot change me. We can only change ourselves.
I will make a much longer story very short to just say that her resistance gave me a grand challenge to change myself and deal with this not pleasing her. And, here is the result of that: I found more love and understanding and caring and especially the unconditional love that allowed me to love her, care for her, support her choices and still expand into my own. I became larger, my love grew stronger and was spread wider to affect everyone I came in contact with, including my wife.
My wife was on a road making her own choices and I couldn’t stop her. She was determined. Though many times she did all she could to disrupt my calm and peace, I just loved her and she knew that I was loving her and she appreciated it inside while often on the outside being resistant.
If it gets to the point where one will not tolerate the change to such a degree as to cause leaving one, that is okay. People take different roads as H Jackson Browne stated and if I am to be the loving person I have become, I will support and never stop loving regardless of the other. When you are in alignment, love is the most natural place to be, and when you are there, you cannot stop loving just because the other chooses something they think they will like better, or help them to feel good.
Often we might make excuses, rationalize why we should stop growing so that we don’t outpace our significant other. If we are to be the authentic person, that person who is in alignment, the rewards will outweigh the risks by thousands of pounds. I know it from experience and I would never go back after having seen the place I am in now.
Personal Choices Are Always Personal, Yet They Can Also Be Far Reaching As Well.
Spread Some Joy Today–Who wants worms?