Category: Response

The Power To Change Reality

“If you don't like something, change it;
if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.”

— Mary Engelbreit


“When we are no longer able to change a situation,
we are challenged to change ourselves.”

— Victor Frankl

[Classic post from 8-5-10]

I've heard these sentiments expressed in many ways and each of them instructional. One way that I recently heard it was enlightening and equally empowering. It is this:

We are on two concurrent journeys at the same time. One is our physical journey of what is now. This is reality. It is what it is. It is the facts of the way things are. And, two, is our emotional journey. That is how we choose to feel, though ofttimes, we don't feel that we actually have a choice, but is a default response.

So, the reality is the reality. It is what it is. We can think and feel how we want to about it and if we continually focus on the reality in front of us, we will respond and react to that reality and our thinking and feeling will keep us tied to this reality as being tied to a pole in the ground. The more we talk about reality, feel the reality, share the reality, the more the reality has a hold on us.

In most cases, it is near impossible to change the reality by focusing on the reality. Generally, the only way and also the best and most effective way to change the reality is to begin changing the emotional journey about the reality. In other words, have you feel better and better by changing your thinking and feeling about what is.

Part of this is considering what you want it to be rather than what it is. You can't focus on being broke and not having enough money to pay the bills and have that situation change for the better. But, it can and will change for the better by focusing on what and where you want it to be, living in that fantasy as if it were your reality and it will become your reality. The other part is feeling better and better about where you are right now. It is so powerful to look for the positive aspects in every situation. It empowers one to see their current reality in a softer light. It is still reality, but now softer and more acceptable while you focus on what you want next and where you want to go.

Some of this I was taught as a child. I learned things like, “there is always a silver lining; things will work out for the best if you let them. and I haven't forgotten them, but now have a much more powerful and clear way to change where I am when I am not where I want to be. I change the emotional journey: my thinking and how I feel about my situation, my life, my current reality. Then, I focus my energy on imagining it the way I want it to be. Used together, these two strategies are incredible.

First Step: Lighten Up!! It's Only As Good Or Bad As You Think It And Feel That It Is. Find The Relief Valve And Open It Up.

Spread Some Joy Today–Now that you know an effective way to change, test it and see for yourself, then share it with others. The joy of empowerment is awesome!

An Excerpt

I saved and just reread a letter dated 8-3-90 that I wrote to my stepson who was 15 at the time. I met him when he was 12. He is super-intelligent and he wrote me a quizzical note about my search for meaning and happiness. I do not have that note, but I have my reply. This is a short excerpt from the 2-page typewritten letter that I thought was worth sharing. This was over 30 years ago.

“Seeing what we can do while we are on this planet is part of what it is all about. Happiness is one of those nice words that lack sufficient meaning to be used alone except in literature. What makes happiness? Well, it is an individual definition first. It is very personal. Second, it is not an end result as in a destination, but an attitude, a feeling, a oneness with the moment of now–it is the journey.

Joy and happiness are not even the same things. I can find joy in doing something that is causing me frustration at the moment. Think about your workouts and the pain of the moment when pushing the weights and your body is crying out for rest, yet there is joy overall from the experience. You can have joy in pain. Can you have happiness in pain then?

If one is looking for meaning, one will find it within and not outside or in things or accomplishments. The closer we get to finding our true self, the closer we come to our Creator and our true meaning. Many things on the outside are parts of the road map to within.

…I do enjoy life. Not the way you do…What brings you happiness, joy, contentment, a sense of purpose, meaning, will be very personally yours. Though some of our values and principles will co-mingle, many may not, and there should be no shame in this, for again, we are not the same. I appreciate the differences. Were we the same, this communication would be totally unnecessary and I am enjoying the opportunity.

When I give it more than superficial thought, I realize that I am happy, that I do enjoy life, that it has meaning for me. Much of that comes from knowing you and being a part of your life. You are one of the most unique people I have ever had the pleasure to meet and be with. Though our relationship has been of a certain type based on circumstance and personality and experience, I feel your touch and importance beyond the day-to-day supervisory, teaching, guiding capacity. I love you very much and I respect and admire you. You indeed add meaning to my life. Thank you for the notes. I appreciate them. Love, Terry”

Absolute Vulnerability

“Everything is in perfect timing; you do not have to rush things along. You are an eternal being; you are right in step with the transformation. What's your hurry?

It is only your assumption that there is some mysterious “how” that needs to be known before you will act in the manner you desire. In other words, laugh; be happy… because you want to. As soon as you do, you'll match that frequency. There is no mysterious “how,” none that has to be there. And if you really want a bottom-line definition, then: “Live now; that's how.”

Any time you live right in the now, utterly in the moment, any energy that comes along, any difference you feel, you will match instantly, due to living fully in the now, accepting it all, open to it all through absolute vulnerability. This is not weakness, but openness, strength, self-empowerment. That's how. Live in the now with it. Assume that what is happening belongs in your lives. Accept it; acknowledge it; integrate it. Live through it; get into it. Explore it; examine it. Get excited.”

— Bashar
Blueprint For Change

Attitude Is Relative

“It is ironic that one of the few things in this life over which we have total control is our own attitudes, and yet most of us live our entire life behaving as though we had no control whatsoever.

By our attitude, we decide to read, or not to read. By our attitude, we decide to try or give up. By our attitude, we blame ourselves for our failure, or we foolishly blame others. Our attitude determines whether we love or hate, tell the truth or lie, act or procrastinate, advance or recede, and by our own attitude we and we alone actually decide whether to succeed or fail.”

— Jim Rohn

I have always loved how graphically attitude can be seen in an airplane, even if all you could see were the instruments. The picture above is called an artificial horizon instrument and it graphically shows your airplane’s attitude relative to the horizon. The yellow in the middle is the plane, the blue is the sky, the brown is the earth. Push the nose down, you see mostly earth, pull it up, mostly sky, turn right or left and it shows that visually. Level flight is just like the picture shows now.

Our own internal compass, or rather, artificial horizon, demonstrates our own attitude relative to all that we navigate through. It may not be earth and sky, but you get the idea. Straight and narrow is good. Feeling good is good. How we feel is our true artificial horizon. By knowing how we feel, we know where our attitude is and what to do to correct or improve it. All we need to do essentially is to pay attention and be interested in feeling better.

They say, ‘Attitude Is Everything.’ I think that is a fair statement. A better one might be that how we feel is the best indicator of our current attitude.

The Spring Of Kindness

“No kind action ever stops with itself.
One kind action leads to another.
Good example is followed.
A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions,
and the roots spring up and make new trees.
The greatest work that kindness does to others
is that it makes them kind themselves.”

– Amelia Earhart

Ain’t it the truth!

One of my favorite authors who really helped me get going in sales way back in ’72-73 is Frank Bettger. His book, How I Raised Myself from Failure To Success in Selling, is a classic and is very encouraging for someone new to sales (or a veteran in sales, for that matter). In it, he talks about getting fired from a professional baseball team because he looked like he had no energy and he seemed to be dragging the team down. So, he decided to change and to become the most enthusiastic player anywhere and he created the popular phrase, “to become enthusiastic, act enthusiastically!” This became his central theme and I have several copies of his signed books, all of which say “Enthusiastically, Frank Bettger.”

The quote above is very similar to me: To become kind, act with kindness! Ain’t it the truth. We already know it. We know when we act with kindness that we feel great and can see on the face of the other that they feel great too. The thing we don’t see is how that great feeling is passed on by that other person throughout their day or even into days ahead.

I try to remember to give sincere compliments wherever I go, to people I see, whether for the first time or the hundredth time. I am always looking for something to compliment people on. Many times, there is no discernable reaction to my comment, but I am sincere and it feels really good to me, so that is all that matters. I know, they heard it, and they appreciated it even though they may not show it immediately. And, again, the best part is that it not only has an effect on them but on others they interact with throughout the day. How cool is that?

Sometimes I do this in bulk and in what some might think are “crazy ways.” I’ll give you just one example that I remember as a bit off the chart. I was a sales manager at a small fledgling dealership in 1989. It was gloomy and struggling. I wanted to inject some life into it and did a number of things that helped. They had a fairly strong service business. Matter of fact, that was what kept the dealership afloat.

So I had this crazy idea come into my head to give a dozen roses to all the employees (13 of them) and have a blank card on it, so they could take it home and pass some of the pleasure on to their spouse or loved ones or just enjoy it themselves.

It was a bit crazy because I didn’t have much money, but I broke out a credit card and bought 16 dozen roses of all different colors, one dozen each in vases, arranged and delivered. It was $660. I couldn’t really justify the expense when my reasoning tried to stop me, but, I was jazzed and I acted immediately. I had each employee stop by the office on their way home and I had them choose one they liked and I thanked them for their service to the company. For all they knew, the company bought them. I also gave one set to the General Manager and Owner who worked at a different location. Plus one to take home with me for my wife.

You had to have been there to see the looks on all their faces. It was priceless. And, guess what happened when they went home. I am sure that it was a hit there as well. In addition, it is the kind of gesture that you so rarely see. It was worth every cent and then some.

And guess how happy that florist must have been.  One action and so many are positively affected. It is like spreading joy!

I was only at that store for three months, when a marvelous opportunity came to me unexpectedly. Is there a correlation? It was an opportunity that changed my life, and that is still with me to this day, 31 years later!

Many times, I get thoughts like this and I am happy that I act on many of them even though some are a bit over the edge like this one. But, you know, life is all too short, and to miss an opportunity like that would be to miss an opportunity to love.

I call those thoughts inspirations. Typically, right after you get one, your reasoning facility takes charge to try to justify that thought using logic and reason. The typical result would be letting the inspiration go down the drain.

If you ever have any of these strange, yet wonderful inspirations, I hope you act on them. Think of the joy that you will create for yourself and many others! I think that is a great reason! And, you never know–that act of kindness might have an interesting side effect… on all concerned!

We Are Complicit. I Am Complicit.

We are all complicit in whatever reality that we are experiencing whether inside our own thought-realm or outside our body in anything that we see, hear, or feel. Because we are complicit, we have the authority and responsibility in our dominion. As we are seeing, hearing and feeling that which is before us, we are involved in it to one degree or another, and we are at the same time in choice; albeit, the choice may seem to not be something purposely chosen. Yet choice it remains.

Transforming History By Transforming Words

One of the most powerful things that I learned from Anthony Robbins was how impactful our choices of words can be on our perspective of things, people, and events. Words can help change our state of mind, our attitude, our outlook for the better or for the worse. More often than not, our word choices are habitual and unconsciously stated and so tied to our history or collective history for their meaning. Much of this was dictated and is being dictated to us in an effort to influence our thinking and more importantly, our behavior.

Words definitely have power; however, they only have the power that we give them through the meaning we assign them or accept from others.

Periodically, I like to change common words to evoke a whole different feeling than those words used to have for me. Here is just a few I wrote down the other day:

Faults. I don't have any faults. I may have idiosyncrasies, but I don't have faults. There is no one to blame. We are each unique. Faults becomes idiosyncrasies. [I especially like this one!]

Good. A better word for good is aligned. I am in alignment. I feel as if I am resonating in alignment. I feel aligned. Resonating is also delightful choice.

Bad. Nothing is bad. It is only feels a bit off or amiss. Bad is such a harsh word. Amiss is soft and fuzzy. A bit off is out of kilter, a bit wobbly, etc.

Right. This word holds so much history. Anytime we can eliminate this word may be very helpful. Rather than right, it is appropriate.

Wrong. Another massive history word. Rather than wrong, it is askew or out of alignment. This change takes all the negative power away and leaves so much room for improvement and change.

Evil. Such a harsh word. So much history. It is like the maximum bad. But what it really is is unpleasant. It feels unpleasant. They seem to be unpleasant to me.

Left or Far Left. Such political baggage. They are not that. They are port and portside. Of course, for the right we could use starboard.

Justice. Nothing but history attached to this word. What would be more appropriate? Review. It is only a review. Or, it might even be a re-view.

Judge. Way too much history here too. Change this word to interpret. Change judgment to interpretation.

Peace. Great word but so misunderstood. A better choice I think is unity.

War. About the harshest of actions on the planet ever. Change it to contention or uncontentment. We aren't at war with them or that country, we are in uncontentment.

So, this is just a thought-starter for your transformation. And, I think that transformation is a good word for what can happen when we begin to use different words for things in life that are overloaded with historical meaning. Enjoy your lighter adventure!

How Does It Feel? Vibration Rules.

“Everything is valid and everything is truthful, because Law of Attraction lets everything be. The question is not whether it’s right or wrong, whether their approach is right or wrong, or whether my approach is right or wrong. The question is: Does their approach feel good to me? And if it doesn’t, then I choose a different approach.”

— Abraham, Esther Hicks

Reaction vs Response

There is a vast difference between being aware of negative emotion and reacting to it. Awareness allows enough space to recognize the value of the guidance that emotion is showing us and then allows us sufficient time and thoughtfulness to choose a response. The length of that space is not important. It is enough. When we react, we are thoughtlessly allowing the emotion to rule our actions. In reaction, there is always some sort of mess to clean up when the reaction is done.

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Mesa, AZ