“It's not that some people
have willpower and some don't…
It's that some people are ready
to change and others are not.”
— James Gordon
[Classic post from 2-21-13]
I see it all around me–people that need to change. Sue Grafton said it in an interesting way: “You can't save others from themselves because those who make a perpetual muddle of their lives don't appreciate your interfering with the drama they've created. They want your poor-sweet-baby sympathy, but they don't want to change.” Then, there's that very old phrase I've used many times, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.”
No matter what I think, people will change when they decide they want or need to change. The best I can do is to attempt to inspire them, remind them, and even sometimes guide them, and the rest is totally up to them.
This is as it should be. As I live my life, I find things that work and incorporate them into my life, with that change, I may share my experience and others will do as they will with that. One of the things that I have to constantly remind myself of is that there are so many ways of doing a thing, and whatever I have chosen is a way. I remind myself as often as necessary that there is no way, there is your way, my way, and their way, and they are all ways.
As a result of reminding myself about the ways, I see Sue's comment, which I've agreed with many times, and I see in it that as we say “those who make a perpetual muddle of their lives,” is entirely judgmental and not in a positive way. It's true that “they don't appreciate your interfering with the drama they've created,” because those are their choices and the drama is their payoff probably. So be it. And, they often want sympathy. So be it. However, we can let them choose their way, and choose our own by walking away.
One last perspective. I so enjoy hearing others share their “way” and what they've learned. I especially love their passion when I hear it and see it.
There Is Plenty Of Room For Each And Every Way.
Spread Some Joy Today–If you can, take a break and find a place with people around and just watch them, see the different ways they act, clothes they wear, shapes of their bodies, voices, everything. It is so fascinating.