Category: Peace

Toward A Healthier And Happier Relationship

Fear, hurt, and a host of negative emotions may arise in the conditional love relationship. One says something that the other takes offense to and thereby opening the door to hurt feelings, anger, resentment, revenge, and more. The key here is that we each need to take responsibility for how we feel. We must own our own emotions and emotional responses as the beginning of a healthier relationship. Regardless of what the one said to the other, the reaction or response is in the receiver. Ultimately, we cannot hurt, anger, or exercise emotional authority over another. We only have that exclusive control over our own thinking, attachments to history, and emotional state. We may want another to think differently or more like we do but we cannot make them think anything or feel anything. They alone control that power in themselves. Hence, any reaction we may have is our own. Any response we may choose is our own. As we accept responsibility for our own thoughts, we cannot be hurt by another. We may only choose to feel hurt within ourselves. By owning our own feelings, and accepting that as our own responsibility, blame is no longer something we rely on. We cannot even blame ourselves and must simply accept that we are choosing our thoughts and consequential emotions or feelings.

Once we are aware and accept our own personal power, and as we feel negative emotion, we may desire to feel better and begin the process of changing toward experiencing more joy and well-being. We are always in choice even if in the past we may not have realized this and felt as though others were choosing for us. Those were still choices; albeit, unconscious choices. How powerful it is to gain the awareness required to choose consciously.

How wonderful and empowering it is to get to this place of realizing no other has power over our thoughts or our emotions. We each are solely in charge and in control of ourselves. Others certainly may influence us but that is very different than allowing others to control us. Others may try to control us but they do not have any more power than we give them. We cannot be hurt by another. We can only choose to feel hurt within ourselves. Some may say that they don’t want a romantic relationship because they’ve been hurt too many times and don’t want to be hurt again. They only need to choose not to feel hurt and they have all the power once they become aware and accept responsibility for their own thinking and emotions.

Our emotions are so useful. They are perfect guidance as we pay attention to how we are feeling. As we feel hurt and we do not like how this feels we can change or move toward a feeling we like better by changing our thought perspectives. We are all-powerful in this way and our emotions are always an indicator of our thinking. Emotions don’t happen to us. We create them from our thoughts. This means that if we desire to feel better, we have the creative power to choose better-feeling thoughts. This will cause us to feel better and better as we choose them. To me, this is the ultimate empowerment and we are equally blessed as we choose to recognize this power of creation. This allows us to take charge of our lives and have greater well-being along our varied paths.

Am I A Sounding Board For Discontent?

“There is no reason
to deliberately stir up problems
in order to stir up solutions.” 

— Abraham, Esther Hicks 

[Classic post from 4-1-16]

Sometimes a friend, or loved one is, in our opinion, going off course, and we want to be of assistance to help get them back on track. They are focused on problems and we want solutions, but often, the problems are the dominant discussion in our communications with them. It is what is, after all. It is easy to discuss what is. We often call that reality, truth, what is real, what is. Yet, regardless of how adept we get at discussing or analyzing the problem, the solutions can only come by turning away from the problem and on to the potential solutions.

We want to help. It’s a friend. It’s a family member. It’s a loved one. It’s natural to want to help, but again, what is typically done here is discussing the problems at length.

Abraham, Esther Hicks explains, “If you allow yourself to be the sounding board for your friend’s problems, your power of influence will be paltry, and you will be of no value to your friend.” 

“You are of no discernible assistance to your troubled friend unless you are able to focus in the direction of the solution. In the direction of what he wants, or in the direction of what you desire for him. If you are determined to feel good and are able to focus in the direction of improvement for him despite his continual prodding at this problem, your power of influence toward improvement will be powerful.” 

They continue: “It is important to realize that the negative emotion that you often feel when you are worried about a troubled friend is actually present because your focus is pulling you apart from yourself. Your friend may be the reason for your focus, but your friend is not the reason you are pulling against yourself. Your focus is the reason for that. Looking for positive aspects and expecting good outcomes for your friends is the only way you can be of value to them, for there is no action that you can offer that is strong enough to buck your current of negative attention.” 

Without a doubt in me, the most important and depth-reaching part of the Teachings of Abraham is what they call the Emotional Guidance System. In simple terms, when we are feeling positive emotions, we are in alignment with our inner being, the God within, or whatever terminology for that you prefer. They prefer Inner Being just to keep it simple. And, when we are feeling negative emotion, that emotion is an indication of being out of alignment with our Inner Being. You could also use the term Inner Knowing, or God Connection.

Sometimes people say to me that feeling good is not the end-all. No, that would be constant negative emotion. But, what they mean is that the emotions are not a guidance system at all, but only something we feel. Yet, if you were to test it for a time in earnest, I am convinced you will find that what they are teaching and I am expressing is a perfect and accurate description of how to control our own lives, and how to be an influence on others.

When we look at a friend or loved one–in fact, whatever we focus on–will cause us to have thoughts about what we are seeing or experiencing. And those thoughts as compared to our Inner Being’s thoughts about us, are either a match or within a similar vibrational vicinity, or they are not. When they are, we could be said to be following God’s will for us, being guided by Angels, or the Universal Mind. When we are not in alignment, we are resisting, struggling, and the negative emotion we are feeling is that indication.

As we see a friend or relative in a place that looks painful for them, and it is also for us if we focus on where they are, we are pretty much helpless to be of assistance, but when we focus on our own alignment first, as in the airline instructions to put your oxygen mask on first, then help others, we can be of service. Then from our own alignment, we can imagine the friend or loved one in the place that is in their best interests for themselves, or in our best imagining of our vision of that healthy, and joyous, whole person.

As we pay attention to this guidance, our lives get better and better and better, and those around us get better and better and better. Those that don’t, disappear.

Being Helpful Means Focusing On The Help, Not The Hurt. 

Spread Some Joy Today–by creating your own joy, then sharing it with the world around you.

In Or Out Of The Storm

“When you. . .
acknowledge your power
as a co-creator of your life,
you stop being a victim.
When you are not a victim,
you have choice.
When you are in choice,
you are in your power
and you are not frightened.”

— Paul Selig
from I Am the Word

[Classic post from 9-15-17]

Have you ever known, or know one or more now, who are like the Pig Pen character from the Peanuts comic strip where there is a shit storm going on all around them. Something is always going wrong. Someone or several others are always taking advantage of them or finding fault. There seems to always be someone that is out to get them.

It is part of the drama triangle which includes the victim, the persecutor, and the rescuer. This is a game that has no winners. Regardless of which of these three roles I might play, I lose. Believe me, I've played them all and even became proficient at each role.

But what I found after wising up to the game was that stepping outside of the game is where joy is. As I let go of any of those roles, I gain peace. In fact, joy and peace come automatically. They always come automatically when we let go.

The drama triangle is tempting. It is easy to participate in. You listen to someone's sad story and your heart wants to rescue them, or your inner parent wants to counsel them to a better place, your inner fear wants to persecute them, but realize this, as this is done from the mirage of the heart or the nurturing falsehood or disgust of the mind, I am in the game. As I am in the game, I go from role to role to role. I begin to crave rescuing people or playing the victim looking for sympathy and comradery, finding others to blame, to persecute and complain about.

The best thing that can happen to us is an awareness that we are in the game. Once we see we are in the game, we have an opportunity to step out of the circle of influence of the game. We can turn away and right there we are free of the game and in peace and joy.

This game goes on at work with co-workers, the owner or supervisor, other managers, customers, vendors, and others. It goes on at home with spouses, relatives, children, neighbors, friends. It goes on in our mind as we seem to be thinking all by ourselves going from one role to another in our minds about something we did or didn't do, should have done, shouldn't have done, might do, want to do, questioning ourselves, cajoling, feeling sorry for ourselves, and well. . . I'm guessing you know what I'm talking about.

The answer is always the same. Play the game, or step away from the game. Having become quite good at the game, I found that the joy and peace outside is infinitely superior in every way.

How About The Joy Triangle Instead: Joy, Peace, Love. That's A Glorious Game! 

Spread Some Joy Today–by creating your own Joy Triangle.

We Don’t Know

“Prejudice is to prejudge.
It means that we judge before we know.
We choose or accept a point of view
without care or concern,
and we do that out of fear.”

— Albert K. Strong

One of the more important things to me that I learned from Paul Selig's books expands on the Bible's teaching about judging not lest ye be judged. The sentence that brought this powerfully home to me was this: “You don't know why they came here or what they chose to learn.” That may be slightly paraphrased, but I thought, “wow! that is for sure and for certain.”

In Paul's book, The Book of Love and Creation, that I have so marked up you would laugh if you saw it, here is how he expands on this:

“The moment you understand that you are not the one in authority here in terms of judgment, you can begin to liberate the self. What this means, very simply, is humility. Are you in your humility? Who are you to judge your fellow man for their behavior? Do you know what they have come here to learn? Do you know what their choices are? What pain they have experienced? Or what light may be there for them at the end of their lesson? You do not know. How can you pretend to know at that level? If you are judging them, we promise you this: You do not know. You are in your illusion and in your self-congratulatory-ness, you have given yourself a nice dose of separation from your own knowing and from the flow of the love of the Creator that would work through you.”

Since learning this in this way, I have never forgotten it. When I find myself judging which is a reckless act of the ego, I am in my awareness and will stop pretty quickly now. I realize that I am judging and I do not want to judge anyone else. We have grown up making all manner of judgments about others and we do not know. 

Unconditional love is what allows others to be as they are without any need to satisfy me or comply with my beliefs, rules, or imaginings. That is not like getting on that horse and riding like a champion. It is a practice. Falling off the horse from time to time keeps me in my humility and is a welcome reminder to mind my own business. I am a handful by myself.

Compassion For All

“Seemingly all of a sudden
I realized that I had the capacity 
to love every person and thing.” 

— Albert K. Strong 

Compassion. It’s a word that is bandied about with ease. And my understanding of the word is different from the definition in the dictionary that I just read: “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.” That’s like saying, “I feel sorry for you and your affliction(s), here’s my ten-step method for curing your ills and releasing your suffering.” Silly.

Compassion to me is a grand word, filled with practical and powerful selfless love without any agenda or need of repair. What a radical difference.

I have to share this beautiful and insightful quote by one of my favorite old “new age” thinkers, Albert Einstein.

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” 

I take issue with only one short phrase: “Our task must be to. . .” There really aren’t any rules, and any observant person of the world around us can see that not so many are accepting this task, regardless of the stature of the person suggesting it. No, it’s not a must. It’s a potential choice. I say potential because we can choose yes and we can choose to ignore it completely.

I have been on this journey of learning to make use of what Abraham, Esther Hicks calls the Art of Allowing. This art or activity is the essence of compassion to me. As I allow others to be what they choose for themselves, and as I don’t insist that they be a certain way on my behalf, I am loving them without condition. There is no better way to define the Art of Allowing to me. 

I’ve been practicing for some time now, but it is only in the most recent years that I have taken off the training wheels so to speak. In releasing myself to practice my own version of compassion in the Art of Allowing, and in expressing and feeling unconditional love, I have come so much closer to the person I truly want to be inside and out.

I’m Thankful For Being Thankful

At first glance, the title of this post may seem strange. A few years ago, I was making a list of things I was thankful for that began with, “I'm thankful for…” The list was long and included a lot of people, things, events, and more. In about the middle of the list, as I was rereading it today, I saw I wrote that I was thankful for being thankful. It jumped off the page into my focused attention. I thought, “wow.”

I love that I wrote that and I know why. It is because becoming thankful not only changed my life for the better, it transformed it. That concept now rules my life in my joyous journey.

Today is the first day of 2021 and I can see that so many have lots of issues with 2020 and many wish it never happened. Yet, for me, I see 2020 as the best year of my life so far. Yes. The best year of my life.

How can that be? It is from the accumulated and constantly expanding thankful outlook. Some very powerful changes came in 2020 for me and they all turned out to be so full of joy that it is almost overwhelming. I won't make a list, but it is a long list of the things and events that I am so thankful for in 2020.

We all have one thing unique to us alone and that is our perspective. No one can see through our eyes, our heart, our thoughts. Only we have that privilege. We can share that perspective with others but our explanation will pale in comparison to our actual experiencing of our own reality.

I hope that many of you had a great year as well. There are problems every year. There are unusual events every year. Change is a constant companion. And yet, each of us individually has the ultimate power of our choice of perspective. We get to choose how we either respond or react to our experiences. Awareness helps us to make those choices consciously. Therein lies my thankfulness.

Alignment Is An Inside Job

Here is an enlightening and uplifting passage from Abraham, Esther Hicks, and from the book, The Vortex that I find worth remembering, or maybe better said, re-membering. 

Of the 22 flawed premises written about in the book, this is #19: A good relationship is one in which the dominant intention of each person is to find agreement and harmony with the other.

“How could two people looking to find harmony with each other possibly be the wrong basis for a good relationship and a happy life? Both people have created their own Vibrational Escrow (Vibrational Reality) to which they must seek harmony if they are to be happy. When finding harmony with your mate takes precedence over finding harmony with your Inner Self, there is a strong probability that discord between you and Source will occur. That feeling of discord is then translated as a feeling of loss of freedom; and then your partner, with whom you truly want to find harmony, begins to feel less good. Your loss of connection to your own Source feels off to you, and is off, and so then (without wanting to) you begin to resent the partner whom you are trying to please. In short, there is no substitution for alignment with Source.

Again, you are looking for love in all the wrong places. We are not suggesting that you should not want to get along well with your mate. But we are strongly suggesting the powerful benefit of seeking, first, alignment with Source. When you find alignment with the Source within you, you also find alignment with your furthermost expansion. And when you are in alignment with who-you-really-are and all that you have become, you are then automatically in harmony with the best of your relationship with your partner.

Couples, or anyone involved in co-creating of any kind, who attempt harmony by trying first to please each other always discover the flaw in that premise. If you are not selfish enough to seek and find harmony with your Source, you have nothing to give your partner anyway.

If you see it as your job to keep your partner happy, and so you work hard and behave in ways that please your mate, you are actually setting your mate up for ultimate unhappiness because you are training that person to look to you and your behavior in order to feel good rather than seeking personal alignment with Source. And no matter how good you are at pleasing, and no matter how hard you try, you do not make a good substitute for your partner’s alignment with Source.

The message that you want to convey to the others with whom you are co-creating is this: “I will never hold you responsible for the way I feel. I have the power to focus myself into alignment with my Source, and therefore I have the power to keep myself feeling good.” If that is your true intention, then you have discovered the path, the only path, to true freedom and true happiness. But if your happiness is dependent upon the intentions or beliefs or behaviors of any other, you are trapped, for you cannot control any of that.”

Love Will Not Be Distorted

“Anything that is selfish, frankly, is not, could not, will not be love. “If I love you so much, you will never leave me,” is not love. It is fear. “I love you so much I would never be with anybody else” is fear, and it is a projection on the other, the object of love, as leaving you. These are all manifestations of fear that you conjure and create with to bring about a distortion. And love will not be distorted. It cannot be. It cannot be tampered with because it is a high frequency. And a high frequency, so you see, will always stand in congruence with the Creative Source.”

— Paul Selig
The Book of Love and Creation

The Spirit of Opulence

This wonderful piece has such a marvelous message and is worth reading every so often to renew our spirit and re-realize our own power. Injoy!

“It is quite a mistake to suppose that we must restrict and stint ourselves in order to develop greater power or usefulness. This is to form the conception of the Divine Power as so limited that the best use we can make of it is by a policy of self-starvation, whether material or mental. Of course, if we believe that some form of self-starvation is necessary to our producing good work, then so long as we entertain this belief the fact actually is so for us. “Whatsoever is not of faith”—that is, not in accordance with our honest belief—“is sin”; and by acting contrary to what we really believe we bring in a suggestion of opposition to the Divine Spirit, which must necessarily paralyze our efforts, and surround us with a murky atmosphere of distrust and want of joy.

But all this exists in, and is produced by, our belief; and when we come to examine the grounds of this belief we shall find that it rests upon an entire misapprehension of the nature of our own power. If we clearly realize that the creative power in ourselves is unlimited, then there is no reason for limiting the extent to which we may enjoy what we can create by means of it. Where we are drawing from the infinite we need never be afraid of taking more than our share. That is not where the danger lies. The danger is in not sufficiently realizing our own richness, and in looking upon the externalized products of our creative power as being the true riches instead of the creative power of spirit itself.

If we avoid this error, there is no need to limit ourselves in taking what we will from the infinite storehouse: “All things are yours.” And the way to avoid this error is by realizing that the true wealth is in identifying ourselves with the spirit of opulence. We must be opulent in our thought. Do not “think money,” as such, for it is only one means of opulence; but think opulence, that is, largely, generously, liberally, and you will find that the means of realizing this thought will flow to you from all quarters, whether as money or as a hundred other things not to be reckoned in cash.

We must not make ourselves dependent on any particular form of wealth, or insist on its coming to us through some particular channel—that is at once to impose a limitation, and to shut out other forms of wealth and to close other channels, but we must enter into the spirit of it. Now the spirit is Life, and throughout the universe Life ultimately consists in circulation, whether within the physical body of the individual or on the scale of the entire solar system; and circulation means a continual flowing around, and the spirit of opulence is no exception to this universal law of all life.

When once this principle becomes clear to us we shall see that our attention should be directed rather to the giving than the receiving. We must look upon ourselves, not as misers’ chests to be kept locked for our own benefit, but as centers of distribution; and the better we fulfill our function as such centers the greater will be the corresponding inflow. If we choke the outlet the current must slacken, and a full and free flow can be obtained only by keeping it open. The spirit of opulence—the opulent mode of thought, that is—consists in cultivating the feeling that we possess all sorts of riches which we can bestow upon others, and which we can bestow liberally because by this very action we open the way for still greater supplies to flow in. But you say, “I am short of money, I hardly know how to pay for necessaries. What have I to give?”

The answer is that we must always start from the point where we are; and if your wealth at the present moment is not abundant on the material plane, you need not trouble to start on that plane. There are other sorts of wealth, still more valuable, on the spiritual and intellectual planes, which you can give; and you can start from this point and practice the spirit of opulence, even though your balance at the bank may be nil. And then the universal law of attraction will begin to assert itself. You will not only begin to experience an inflow on the spiritual and intellectual planes, but it will extend itself to the material plane also.

If you have realized the spirit of opulence you cannot help drawing to yourself material good, as well as that higher wealth which is not to be measured by a money standard; and because you truly understand the spirit of opulence you will neither affect to despise this form of good, nor will you attribute to it a value that does not belong to it; but you will co-ordinate it with your other more interior forms of wealth so as to make it the material instrument in smoothing the way for their more perfect expression. Used thus, with understanding of the relation which it bears to spiritual and intellectual wealth, material wealth become one with them, and is no more to be shunned and feared than it is to be sought for its own sake.

It is not money, but the love of money, that is the root of all evil; and the spirit of opulence is precisely the attitude of mind which is furthest removed from the love of money for its own sake. It does not believe in money. What it does believe in is the generous feeling which is the intuitive recognition of the great law of circulation, which does not in any undertaking make its first question, How much am I going to get by it? But, How much am I going to do by it? And making this the first question, the getting will flow in with a generous profusion, and with a spontaneousness and rightness of direction that are absent when our first thought is of receiving only.

We are not called upon to give what we have not yet got and to run into debt; but we are to give liberally of what we have, with the knowledge that by so doing we are setting the law of circulation to work, and as this law brings us greater and greater inflows of every kind of good, so our out-giving will increase, not by depriving ourselves of any expansion of our own life that we may desire, but by finding that every expansion makes us the more powerful instruments for expanding the life of others. “Live and let live” is the motto of the true opulence.”

–Thomas Troward,
Hidden Power and Other Papers Upon Mental Science

Same World

“Loving people live in a loving world.
Hostile people live in a hostile world.
Same world.”

— Dr. Wayne Dyer

[Classic post from 7-10-13]

In 1960 I was about 11 years old and it was all over the front page of the newspaper that the world was to end in that year. It was a big deal and lots of people were very upset, anxious, and afraid. In 1962, the Cuban Missile Crisis brought a boon to the underground personal shelter business, and 3 doors down, they had one installed. It was weird, to say the least. Also in 1962, we moved from southern California to northern California, and a age 13, that was a torture of the worst kind.

Skipping a myriad of crises and tribulations due to space here, in 2012 the world was slated to end due to the Mayan calendar. They made movies about it so we could see it before it happened. Then there were the Presidents, some polished to perfection and beyond, others too ugly to sweep under the carpet. The Berlin wall, race riots, Martin Luther King, 911, schools in terror, and the list is not only not even slowing down, it is endless.

It would be so easy for me, having lived through the Korean War, Vietnam, Kuwait, Iraq, and the Middle Eastern conflicts, terrorism, TSA, seat belts in autos, smog pumps, electronic surveillance, Watergate, recessions, deep recessions, Enron, grapes taking over Napa Valley and every valley near it, more and more severe weather with larger and larger and more destructive storms, to focus on the hostile and dark future of the world in general and my world in particular.

Or, not.

Instead, I might see blue sky more often than not–and in fact, find joy in all weather instead of only the blue sky. I might see people loving one another, babies coming into the world to loving arms and nurturing parents, politicians with a heart and healthy mind, cars, and trucks vastly improved from the past, less and less air pollution moving toward zero, such a wonderful variety of supermarkets, delicious food readily available at a low cost whether fast or slow. I might see people going out of their way to help others thrive, succeed, do better, be better.

I might see some of the wealthiest people on the planet giving away their accumulated wealth to worthy causes worldwide. I might see these and a myriad of other uplifting, loving, hopeful, enthusiastic, building things all around me every single day of my life. I might see living and dying as all a wonderful adventure with no end.

Same world.

We Really Do Create Our Own Reality–Or At The Very Least, Pay Attention To One More Than Another.

Spread Some Joy Today–Choose, and if you like your choice, keep it, if not, release it and choose again.

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Mesa, AZ