Here is an enlightening and uplifting passage from Abraham, Esther Hicks, and from the book, The Vortex that I find worth remembering, or maybe better said, re-membering.
Of the 22 flawed premises written about in the book, this is #19: “A good relationship is one in which the dominant intention of each person is to find agreement and harmony with the other.“
“How could two people looking to find harmony with each other possibly be the wrong basis for a good relationship and a happy life? Both people have created their own Vibrational Escrow (Vibrational Reality) to which they must seek harmony if they are to be happy. When finding harmony with your mate takes precedence over finding harmony with your Inner Self, there is a strong probability that discord between you and Source will occur. That feeling of discord is then translated as a feeling of loss of freedom; and then your partner, with whom you truly want to find harmony, begins to feel less good. Your loss of connection to your own Source feels off to you, and is off, and so then (without wanting to) you begin to resent the partner whom you are trying to please. In short, there is no substitution for alignment with Source.
Again, you are looking for love in all the wrong places. We are not suggesting that you should not want to get along well with your mate. But we are strongly suggesting the powerful benefit of seeking, first, alignment with Source. When you find alignment with the Source within you, you also find alignment with your furthermost expansion. And when you are in alignment with who-you-really-are and all that you have become, you are then automatically in harmony with the best of your relationship with your partner.
Couples, or anyone involved in co-creating of any kind, who attempt harmony by trying first to please each other always discover the flaw in that premise. If you are not selfish enough to seek and find harmony with your Source, you have nothing to give your partner anyway.
If you see it as your job to keep your partner happy, and so you work hard and behave in ways that please your mate, you are actually setting your mate up for ultimate unhappiness because you are training that person to look to you and your behavior in order to feel good rather than seeking personal alignment with Source. And no matter how good you are at pleasing, and no matter how hard you try, you do not make a good substitute for your partner’s alignment with Source.
The message that you want to convey to the others with whom you are co-creating is this: “I will never hold you responsible for the way I feel. I have the power to focus myself into alignment with my Source, and therefore I have the power to keep myself feeling good." If that is your true intention, then you have discovered the path, the only path, to true freedom and true happiness. But if your happiness is dependent upon the intentions or beliefs or behaviors of any other, you are trapped, for you cannot control any of that."